Journey back home to yourself and to love

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Numb. That’s how I felt just 5 years ago. I fe Numb. 

That’s how I felt just 5 years ago. I felt like a shell of a human being - dead on the inside. I would find myself constantly questioning “there must be more to life than this?”

And yet to those looking in, my life looked good. Job, house, partner, kids. Everything I had wanted - except it always felt like something was missing. 

When I was busy, it was fine. But it was in the quiet moments alone that I recognized that ache deep within. 

The something that was missing was me.

I was disconnected from myself, my body, my heart, my soul, and God (or the universe). 

Life was just a series of mundane things I had to do to get through another day. There was nothing more than the surface level stuff. And so for the past 5 years I have been on a journey of healing, remembering, and returning home to myself.

I put together a series of videos (about 28 in total) that was originally designed as a on online program for women called She Remembers. The recordings are now available as a stand alone product which you can purchase for $49. 

My hope is that the recordings can act as a catalyst or a map for you on your own journey of healing - because it can be overwhelming when you don’t know where to start. 

To purchase the recordings go to the link in my bio. The recording link will be sent to you in the payment confirmation email. 

Riannah 🌹
Yesterday I marked a closing of a chapter. It is Yesterday I marked a closing of a chapter.

It is almost 5 years to the day that I first began the journey of heart healing and growth. I remember crying as I booked in for my first self development training course in the year 2020 - hoping that I could finally pull myself out of the rut I was in.

What I didn’t realise is that I was at the beginning of an awakening - and that the next 4-5 years were going to be the hardest years I have ever faced. 

I was being invited to heal my heart - to soften - and to remember who I was underneath all of the conditioning and hurt and pain I was carrying. 

Over those 4-5 years I experienced many (many) moments where I wanted to turn back. There were intense times of: loneliness, grief, confusion, anger, embarrassment and ego deaths. 

On the outside, I had quit my job, ended a relationship, sold a house not knowing where we would live, started a business, went through much financial stress and was raising two young boys. I was barely holding it together and spent many moments in the fetal position or cocooned away - not knowing if the tears would ever stop. 

But I kept going. 

I sought out trainings, healings, books, and retreats. Women who provided a light and who helped me begin to see the light within me. I invested heavily in myself financially and energetically. 

And so yesterday was about thanking the woman that I was before. For her continued courage and determination. For her trust that it will get better. Because without her I wouldn’t be the woman that I am today.

To mark the closing of that chapter in my life I received a hand poked ink marking from the talented @the_inkgypsy 

This marking is a reminder of where I’ve come from - the rose prevalent as she reminds me to keep my heart open, to soften, and to follow the teachings of the rose lineage 🌹. 

The whole day was a ceremony. Not with candles, cards or smoke. But with memories, emotion and an open heart. As I closed out the day at the beach - all that was left was love (and so much tiredness).

What a ride it has been. 

If you’re experiencing something similar, I hope this post provides you with even a flicker of light 🕯️ Riannah
Devotion. A word that meant nothing to me a few Devotion. 

A word that meant nothing to me a few years ago. But one that I now choose to live my life by.

Feminine devotion is devotion to yourself first and foremost. 
Devotion to your softness.
Devotion to your body.
Devotion to your nourishment.
Devotion to your healing.
Devotion to your pleasure.
Devotion to your soul.

Only then can you show up as the woman you are here to be. Radiant. Juicy. Lush. Full. 

Anything else shows up as dryness. Control. Stuckness. Bitterness. Exhaustion. 

And only then can a woman receive the love and devotion from a deep and conscious man. 

The act of feminine devotion may sound sexy. But the reality of what it looks like is anything but. Its consistency. Small routines and rituals every day. It’s facing yourself time and time again. It’s showing up for yourself even when the world is screaming that it’s ‘selfish’ for a woman to do so. 

#feminine #devotion #femininedevotion #divinefeminine #adoration #selfadoration
The father wound is something I have been tending The father wound is something I have been tending to on a personal level, and with other women, for the past few years.

Over the past week I have become aware of another layer within myself. A layer that I was holding in my heart with a whole lot of sadness.

Through self hypnosis I was able to witness many moments, where as a child (and baby), I just wanted to be seen and ‘chosen’ by my dad. 

That’s all I wanted. And yet it felt like he was never there, even when he was physically. And this longing to be chosen - morphed into deeper wounds linked to men and the masculine. 

It’s an interesting journey when you begin to unravel. When you realise that much of how you show up is linked to what you didn’t receive as a child. And this is not blaming anyone - just an observation. 

Healing the father wound takes time. It takes compassion. Patience. Love. But much of the journey is about learning to give yourself the love, adoration and devotion you seek (whether it is from your dad or someone else). 

Riannah 💟

#fatherwound #feminine #femininehealing
Keep walking your path. Trust. Let go what is no Keep walking your path. 
Trust.
Let go what is no longer for you.
Don’t turn away.
The truth is right there.
Clarity will follow confusion. 

It is well with your soul. 

Some snippets of words that hold some truth (and humour) for the journey right now. 

#memedrop
Can you allow the pain of longing to crack you ope Can you allow the pain of longing to crack you open? To cry the tears your grandmothers couldn’t and release the burden that is no longer yours to carry? 

#feminine #femininehealing #femininewound #divinefemininerising
Today’s musing on the sadness that has been movi Today’s musing on the sadness that has been moving through me. Pain that is very much linked to a feminine wound of wanting to be held or met - in all of her entirety. 

#feminine
My boys are going to be dangerously men - my versi My boys are going to be dangerously men - my version of the poem by @lucassjoness 

#boys #men #masculinity
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